Those Words given by My Father That Helped Me when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a healthy space. You must get support. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who still absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - taking a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to change how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your partner or a professional how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."